Sharks: Australian for “Things to Punch”

An Australian man fought his way out of a sharks mouth by punching the hell out of it’s face.  Turns out that this was only one incident in a whole series of badass Australians getting in fist fights with sharks.  Clearly they’re winning, since sharks have little in the way of fists.

Where sharks have the advantage of course, is that they have more teeth than a shoe factory has chinese kids.  There have been a large amount of shark attacks recently down under the barbie shrimp outback, but the feisty dundarees are fending them off.  A particularly interesting story from the article involves a bunch of dolphins:

“We were all just out there and there were six or seven dolphins around us. It was a bit of a tranquil morning,” local media quoted surfing friend Paul Holden as saying.

“Then out of the blue there was an attack from below and the shark grabbed Jono and started thrashing him around. The water was churning.”

What were the dolphins doing?  Surely they were aware of the impending danger of a vicious bite crazy shark, so were they leading the danger to poor Jono or trying ot warn him?  The verdict is still out on exactly whose side the dolphins are on in the great Human/Animal War — unfortunately this article brings more questions than answers.

Watery Warning: Whale Whacks Windsurfer

An unwitting australian man was the subject of Whale Agression yesterday when a whale hit him on the head with it’s tail.  From the AP:

“Soon after the initial impact the tremendous force subsided and I kite-surfed away with my legs shaking, hooting and yelling filled with excitement and relief,” he said.

The windsurfer says his friends didn’t believe his story at first. This tail-of-a-whale-tale was just just a whale-of-a-tail-tale, they wailed.

On the Althofer-Meyer scale of freaky-ass animals, Whales score a moderately high 6.1 — largely due to the fact that they can swallow a whole man in one gulp.  As depicted here:

Whale of a Myth

or here:

Don't Trust It!

The surfer was certainly lucky to escape with his life from this terrible encounter.  It’s unclear what type of whale attacked the poor man — but computer graphics from the internet have produced a shockingly realistic glimpse at what the creature could have looked like:

Shwharlphine?

Also of note: There’s actually a lot of excitement we missed in the past month.  If you sent in tips — don’t worry, I haven’t ignored them.  I’ve just been busy with the elections here, lamenting the fact that neither candidate addressed the most pressing issue of our time.  Does Obama have the experience and foresight necessary to lead us to victory through the greatest war this planet may ever see?   Only time will tell….